Today, I want to go into the fascinating topic of how our relationships with our own mothers can significantly influence the kind of mothers we become and the parenting styles we adopt.
Understanding the Impact of Our Mothers
For those of you new to my material, you may not be familiar with my complex history with my mother, which includes heavy trauma, emotional enmeshment, and co-dependency. In my family dynamic, I was the golden child. That’s why I grew up without a clear sense of my true identity. Instead, I mirrored everything my mom liked, thought, and believed, adopting her coping mechanisms to gain approval and survive in my childhood environment.
if we were to change things for ourselves and our children, it’s important to understand that the coping mechanisms we develop as children are designed to help us survive within the specific dynamics of our family. However, that’s not a problem. The real problem arises when we continue to use these coping mechanisms long after we’ve left that environment. This is a very common occurrence, and it can hinder our personal growth and well-being as most of the time we would not even be aware that we’re still doing it.
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Parental Patterns and Coping Mechanisms
Parents play a God-like role in shaping our behavior. For example, if your mother used to shout at you, it’s likely that you may unconsciously resort to shouting when stressed or emotionally triggered. Interestingly, you might go to the other extreme and avoid shouting altogether. Both responses, while seemingly opposite, are still part of the same behavioral pattern. We tend to replicate what we’ve learned from our parents, often without even realizing it. I do, you do, and probably 99% of the population are doing that too.
Everything that my mom liked, I thought I liked; everything that my mom thought, I thought I thought, and I adopted that coping mechanism so that I would have approval.
Embracing Motherhood and Healing
After those sleepless nights of breastfeeding and trying to comfort my daughter I start to see my mother in me. The more I embrace the motherhood myself, I realize that some of these patterns are being activated within me. Even though I’ve done extensive work on healing my relationship with my mother, I can still see these patterns resurfacing. That made me quite frustrated, as part of my unhealed inner child still blames my mother for the pain I feel. But as I held my awareness on my feelings I understood that I had manifested this situation to provide an opportunity for healing and growth.
When it comes to healing, we can make the choice to integrate and change, especially if we’ve identified patterns that no longer serve us or our children. While none of us are perfect parents and will inevitably make mistakes, the goal is to heal and grow when we can. This is the main point of trauma integration, emotional well-being, and coaching work that I am so passionate about. 😉
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The Return of Childhood Dynamics
Having my mother present in my life once again has rekindled themes and patterns I experienced in my childhood home. This is a unique challenge, as revisiting your childhood environment, which may have been a source of trauma, can be extremely triggering. It brings back memories and emotions that can be difficult to navigate as an adult.
Tools for Healing
To address these emotional traumas, I’m using various techniques, some of which I practice with my clients.
These include metaphysical anatomy techniques, completion processes, and internal dialogue or voice dialogue. However, the most critical aspect of my healing journey is self-awareness.
I’m closely monitoring my triggers and my responses to them. When I’m triggered, I don’t suppress those feelings; instead, I communicate. I express my boundaries and desires to my mother, ensuring that my voice is heard and my needs respected.
Childhood environment is the environment that traumatized you, so my childhood environment, aka my mom, is now in my environment.
The Journey Towards Healing Continues
While I cannot claim to have fully healed my mother’s trauma, I can certainly see progress. It’s a challenging journey that requires patience, self-awareness, and open-heartedness. I’ve come to realize that my mother is not my enemy but a fellow human being trying to support her child.
While none of us are perfect parents and will inevitably make mistakes, the goal is to heal and grow when we can. This is the main point of trauma integration, emotional well-being, and coaching work that I am passionate about.
In conclusion, healing generational patterns in motherhood is not an easy task, but it’s one of the most crucial journeys we can undertake. By addressing our past and our relationship with our mothers, we can become more conscious and empowered mothers ourselves.
Thank you for reading, and I’ll be sure to keep you updated on my journey. If you have any questions or insights to share, please feel free to reach out. Until next time, take care.
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