Today, I answer the question:
How can I avoid ruminating about someone who has hurt me?
So the question you’ve asked means probably you keep on thinking about the person that has hurt you at some point in the past. So the more you try to avoid thinking about something, the more you’ll have the opposite effect. When you try not to think about something, you’re actually thinking about that thing. It’s an opposite effect because you’re focusing on not thinking about someone.
So that’s the first thing. The more you focus not to, the more you get that effect of thinking about that person.
The reason why you keep on thinking about that person who has hurt you is that you still have a wound open. It’s kind of like an emotional wound. The pain is still there, and it’s still alive, and you’re still feeling it.
So if somebody has hurt you in the past, and okay, that has happened, it hurt and you processed the pain emotionally. You wouldn’t be thinking about that person.
The fact that you are thinking about that person it means that the hurt, the feeling it’s still there. In other words, that means you still have active trauma. You have been traumatized by what that person has done to you. You are still living in that circumstance, or let’s say a part of you still lives in that experience.
The reason why you keep on thinking about that person who has hurt you is that you still have a wound open.
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To Get Rid Of Rumination Use Trauma Integration
So the way to resolve it permanently would be to do some trauma integration work. One of them would be go back to that moment when that person has hurt you and relive consciously. You allow your emotions and experience, and then validate your feelings. Then you change the circumstances in that memory to something that empowers you. You might think this is imagination, it is not real. Our brain however doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined. What it does it change the reality that you are living in your memory, which has a healing effect. The process that I briefly described is called the Completion Process by Teal Swan. You can look it up. It’s actually something you can do yourself.
You might think this is imagination, it is not real. Our brain however doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined. What it does it change the reality that you are living in your memory, which has a healing effect.
While you’re visualizing and going through your memory you are experiencing emotions. Also, you are validating your own emotions. So you no longer think: “It happened to me 10 years ago, and I felt like that then, now I shouldn’t be feeling like that anymore.” This thought is not helping healing because it’s like a skipping CD. Part of you still feels that way, but you are saying, “No, I shouldn’t be feeling that way.” In this visualisation process, you actually go back to the original point of trauma and relive it consciously. You allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling. And then recreate in the way you would have preferred. You can even feel the feelings that you would have felt if things had turned out differently. That completes the trauma cycle because you met all your needs in that situation.
The Steps To Clear The Ruminating
So to get rid of this rumination I would recommend:
1) doing one of the trauma integration exercises and also understanding; and
2) remembering that the more you try not to think or not to ruminate about somebody, the more you will.
So in conclusion: your trauma is still active, and you need to integrate it. Then you will stop ruminating about that person.
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