“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” Maya A.

Today, I answer the question:

I subconsciously keep on comparing myself to my perfect best friend and it makes me feel inferior. What should I do?

If you are a teenager, comparing yourself with your peers would be completely normal and probably more common than when you’re an adult. Although it can happen. So if you, first of all, if you see your best friend as perfect there is some kind of idealization that is going on. You could have observed that in your environment she is recognized as beautiful, kind, and clever. I don’t know what qualities you consider as perfect, but in some way, you have idolized and probably put her on a pedestal as a role model.

So the problem is we are different from other people. Even if we have similar views, if we look alike, we go to the same school, we’re still going to be different.

.... when you idolize someone and you think they are perfect, and then you look at yourself, you compare yourself to the checklist that is not yours.

So when you idolize someone and you think they are perfect, and then you look at yourself, you compare yourself to the checklist that is not yours. You made it by looking at her qualities. It’s like comparing a gazelle to a swan. They are different. Because she is different from you, you keep on looking at yourself and see what is different.

Then you think; “okay, I lack in that what she has. I’m not like her, she’s so beautiful. She has black hair, I have brown hair. She is tall, I’m short.” And then you fall short of this comparison (pun intended ;> ).

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How To Change Your Inferiority To Confidence

Every single one of us is a different person. So it doesn’t matter how similar we are (apart from identical twins) we’re going to be different from those people around us.

So what should you do first of all is to re-adjust your belief system. Understand that perfection is ideal rather than reality.

I’m sure that for your best friend, somebody else is perfect. For another person yet, somebody else is perfect.

So what is perfect, who’s perfect is a very open and subjective question. There is no one single opinion about who or what is perfect, right?

So what you should do?

You should start looking at yourself and the qualities you like in yourself. Or maybe you would like to develop some qualities? These things are controllable, so you would be more empowered when doing it.

Let’s say you are in a picture gallery and there are different pictures. Every single picture is a piece of art. So you wouldn’t think: “This one picture is perfect and now all the other pictures should look like that”, right?

Let’s say you are in a picture gallery and there are different pictures. Every single picture is a piece of art. So you wouldn’t think: “This one picture is perfect and now all the other pictures should look like that”, right?

They are different and they have different qualities. Different people like different pictures. So if you start to see yourself like that, like an individual creation, an individual piece of art – it would change things. 

You might start thinking: “I have this quality that I like, I have this other quality that I also like” or “I like my smile, I like my eyes”, or “I’m good at gymnastics” – you start appreciating yourself. 

You then focus on those qualities in yourself that you like. That takes your focus off from your best friend and from comparing yourself to your best friend. 

When you focus on what you like in yourself you also start increasing your confidence. You also appear more confident to other people and other people start looking at you and saying: “Oh, what happened to her? Okay, there is something different about her. “

The Steps To Clear Inferiority

So to get rid of this I would recommend:

1) re-adjust your belief system. Understand that perfection is ideal rather than reality; and

2) start looking at yourself and the qualities you like in yourself; and

3) start developing qualities in yourself that you would like to see more and gain confidence.

You’re unique piece of art – own it!

So if I were you, I would start doing that, and soon you will find that you are busy developing yourself and comparing will stop being an issue.

Loads of love signature RK

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